My house is in disarray. I started doing things in my house again and I have made a bigger mess than it was. I am trying to work on it at night while Leo is at work but I had to make a big mess in the living room before finding out that there is absolutely no room to do laundry downstairs in the basement. So he is going to have to deal with my mess until I move some stuff around and get my closet organized enough to put some clothes in it. I am going through and getting rid of clothes that I have outgrown, but I am finding it difficult to let go of the things that are just one size too small… Are all women this way. or just me???

I don’t think that it is just me. My sister is the same way. We hope against hope that we will lose the weight that we gained last year, this year. I’ve gained some weight back since last year and I had to buy a size up… So that means weeding through my size medium and large and keeping the larger ones that aren’t too terribly tight on me but tighter than what I would like. I have to get real with myself. I am up to a size 16/18. Which mean that my 14/16 have to be packed away. Bummer!!!

I’ve just come through my toughest time of the year. From mid-December to mid-January I get into a depressed state. That is when David took his life and then the holidays, then his birthday in January, my granny’s birthday and death day is also in January. So for whatever reason, I fall into this deep dark pit of despair and can’t seem to climb out of it. Losing David the way I did does not make it easy. I feel his loss every day just like it happened yesterday. I have been told that I will never get used to it and it will never get better; it will just get different. And I am starting to realize that this is true.

Anyway,  when I get depressed the way I do, my working around the house gets worse. My ability to function suffers. And then I finally have to force myself to do something, anything to get myself motivated again. I am motivated. I know what I have to do. It is just a matter of having the strength and energy to do it. I’ve been carrying things from my bedroom to my spare room upstairs. When I get that done I have to carry clothes up from my basement and put the ones that will fit back into my closet and the ones that don’t will be carried upstairs. The new ones will then have to go downstairs to be washed and dried and then brought up to my closet in my bedroom. Sound fun? It isn’t.

My carpal tunnel surgery went well and is healing well but it really isn’t liking what I am doing right now. And my new knees are rebelling climbing up and down the stairs. I don’t mean to be complaining. Just stating it the way it is. And my back is killing me so I have to keep taking breaks. Meaning is that it is taking much longer than it would have ten years ago. I will keep plugging away at it until I either get it done or my husband throws me out to the wolves… Thank goodness there are no wolves out back and the coyotes out back scare off pretty easily.

I hope that you don’t mind me writing about my boring life. If you do, let me know and I will find something more interesting to speak about. For now, it is time to crash, it’s been a long night. Thank you for listening.